Little Gold DoGooder Filia
by She-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Psycho
Summary: Once upon a time there was a Slayers' take on the Little Red Ridding Hood. The little Golden Dragon had to take a basket through some eery woods... and then there were the carnivorous plants, and granny Elder of Flarelord Temple, and a Valgarv-lumberjack cameo... and peaches. Loads of peaches. Starring Filia, and co-starring Big Bad Wolf Xellos. A pretty popular piece. One-Shot.


**Little Gold Do-Gooder Filia**

A Slayers take on Little Red Ridding Hood

by _TailofaModernWoman_

* * *

Once upon a time there was this young apprentice of priestess at the Flarelord Temple who was assigned a very important mission. She was known as Filia, the little golden dragon. Because of her mission she was walking though very dangerous woods, holding only a little basket with an offering. She was unaware of a pair of eyes that were currently following her, watching from under the shadow of the forest trees.

On that note, Filia stopped at her path to gaze at peach flowers that were by the side of the road.

"Should priestess in a mission stop to look at flowers?" wondered the indiscreet watcher, revealing his position. Filia whipped around and looked for the source until she spotted it.

"Are you a wolf?"

She got the impression of long claw-like things poking from behind a tree before she saw a more human form come out. "I wouldn't call myself that," he said, dressed in priest clothes and holding a staff. He had shoulder-long purple hair and a smile on his face.

"How do you know I am on a mission?" said Filia, growing evidently suspicious. "What do you want?"

"Um, well," he started before growing a bigger smile, "I was just thinking a little priestess shouldn't be walking off on their own. Somebody could attack you."

The way he said it, it sounded less like he was concerned and more like a threat, but the man did not give off any aggressive intent in his manner.

"Hmp! Wolves are the worst. I should have figured I'd run into something like you." She started walking forwards on her own. The wolf guy followed.

And that was it for about twenty steps. "You still here," Filia noted, meaningfully.

Still wearing a smile, the guy pointed downwards. "What do you, per chance, carry in that basket? Could you tell me?"

"That's not any of your business."

"And where do you happen to be going?"

"None of your business."

"...So what path -"

She turned around. "I'm not telling a strange wolf I just met on a dark woods road anything, so you may as well quit it."

"I see… So you are one of those do-gooder who always do what they are told; go to bed early, not talk to strangers, brush your teeth, that kind of thing."

"That's right! I'm a pure, responsible being. I live by the example. I'm nothing like those girls who get swept by evil creatures like you."

"Well, you are certainly not making my role easier..." He scratched his chin in thought. "What about I escort you to the woods. I'm sure the company should make things safer?"

"You don't have to worry about that," she said, "I'm perfectly capable of taking care on my own."

But no sooner she said that, a couple of bandits appeared from the shadows with pointy daggers and swords and mean smiles. (NA: Bandits? Since when Little Red Ridding Hood had bandits?)

Filia got into a fighting stance, expecting them to attack, but before neither could make a movement, something flashed from behind her and suddenly the man from before... or wolf, whatever... was fighting the gang of villains with nothing but his staff. Very skillfully too; he hardly broke a sweat and seemed to take the activity as a bit of a joke.

When he was done, and most of the bandits scattered, he turned back to Filia, but she herself was walking forwards without minding him. And, shall we say, with an air of superiority.

"I didn't ask for your help," she said, tossing her head away. The man's brow twitched.

"Is that the way to talk to your savior?" he asked.

"Like I said, I'm perfectly capable of taking care on my own."

"Still, it would be nice a thanks for my courtesy."

"I don't feel any gratitude for services that weren't needed, and I don't thank wolves." She stressed the last. "And don't follow me! I'm on a very important mission and I can't waste time talking to wolves."

The wolf was left behind, twitching from annoyance.

Only he did not really got that left behind: he was, and Filia could sense him this time, following her at a distance, back hiding behind trees from where he would every so often poke his head.

It was while doing this that this sort of mutant carnivorous plant five-meters-high reacted to her stepping on its root and attacked her. (NA: I'm not even going to comment on the 'mutant carnivorous plant'.)

In one movement, Filia had reached for her dress, took a spiky mace out from her garter belt and smashed the plant into submission in only one swing. All that without looking slightly worried about the situation or the attacker (NA: Seriously?) with the clear message to the not-quite-inconspicuous watcher: 'See? Perfectly capable on my own'.

She kept moving on. Eventually, the onlooker stepped out and followed on the open road from some meters behind without resourcing to obvious hiding places. This, if possible, was even more annoying than the former. She decided at this one point to have a break to drink tea.

"Seriously, should a priestess at a mission waste time like this?" asked the wolf.

"Don't _you_ have anything better to do?" said the priestess, glaring at him.

"Not really," he answered honestly, with a smile. He settled down by her and took his own tea set to have an afternoon drink of peach-flavored leaves.

After a mild, silent pause, the wolf spoke again. "Um. You are Filia, right?"

She was a little taken aback and blinked in surprise. "I am." She narrowed her eyes. "You seem to know an awful lot about me."

He looked sheepish. "Ah, well, you may say we have an interest in common."

"Is this something to do with why you are here? What is it that you want?"

"That, is a secret," he said.

The audience facefaulted.

"By the way, Filia-san, I've noticed you have an issue about me helping you. I wonder why so. It's because I'm a stranger? Because I'm a male? Is it maybe a priestess thing?"

She tossed her head away with a blush. "That's not it at all! It's because you are a filthy wolf. I can't trust a person like that."

"Is that so?" His brow twitched again. "But you really think that? You don't sound like you believed it, since you are drinking tea in this place with me."

She sputtered a bit before saying, "Well, that's because - you just decided to sit by here with me, that's all! I've been telling you to get lost from the beginning, haven't I." She sipped on her tea with a tense face, "If you don't have anything better to do, then go already."

"Sorry, can't do, besides -" He looked up, just to see where a new figure had appeared, making shadows over Filia's form, "- it looks like you'll be needing me for real this time."

It took a fraction of a second for Filia to realize the shadow wasn't from somebody standing over her, but rather because of a person _falling_ over her. The person plunged to the floor like a rocket, raising a cloud of smoke. And then it rose, in between Filia and the wolf stranger. And it turned out this one was a wolf too - or an hybrid of sort - with spiky green hair.

"Ah, I wondered when you would show up, predictable rival of choice," said the purple-haired wolf.

"Is that the correct way to address me?" said the second wolf.

"But it is really the standard for this kind of fanfiction, isn't it?" (NA: Oi oi! Don't get all out of atmosphere with comments like that) "In any case, this should be the part where we fight."

The green-haired wolf struck a pose ready for fighting. Filia looked on between the both of them.

"Or not."

And that ruined the mood completely. "Excuse me?"

"You are after the content of the basket Filia is carrying, right? Tell you what, I'll give you the basket if you let us go."

Filia whipped her head towards him. "What? But I thought you said you had an interest in -"

"My concern is not in having you fulfill your mission but rather in something related to your mission. So the fact that you may fail does not concern me at all."

"You backstabbing wolf!"

"So you are willing to betray her for your own safety..." the green-haired wolf cracked maniacally, "You should know by now it's pointless making those kind of deals with characters hell-bent on revenge like me."

"You make an excellent point." (NA: This is seriously not the kind of conversation expected for a scene like this!) "Though it's not like I expected you to accept that deal."

The hell-bent wolf made the first move, lunging for the other, but the purplehaired wolf was expecting it and deflected the attack. They engaged in a battle that was both vicious and pointless, until it was clear that the purple-haired wolf had the advantage (NA: What is this dumb dead match commentary's got anything to do with Little Red Ridding Hood...?) At that moment, the green-haired wolf backed away holding on his injured shoulder.

"Damn it. But I won't go without a last try."

He took from somewhere unspecified an object that looked like a bomb and had written on it 'Darkstar W-5' (NA: ...) and threw it forwards. The bright white light which came forth hit the purple-haired wolf fully on the body, and he cried out in pain (NA: Because Revive Kills Zombies*). He dropped to the floor with a wound across his chest, while the other one, was already gone.

"Mr Wolf!" Filia had rushed forwards and started applying recovery spells.

"But..."

"Are you wondering why I help you after you betrayed me?"

"No, rather, didn't we say that Revive Kills Zombies?" He got threatened with the spiky mace shoved up in his face. He raised his arms defensively. "Ah, okay, no more RPG gags..."

She went back to tending him. "But," she said after a while, "you may not be all bad, since you were trying to save me. You are not completely useless."

"Mmh? Well, it's to be expected since it's my mission."

"Your... mission?"

"Of course, I haven't introduced myself, have I? I'm Xellos Metallium, servant of Lord Beastmaster, and like you I have to get you and that basket across these woods."

"EH? X-Xellos?" she said, pointing. "The detestable Xellos, the worst of the worst, and all this time you have been -"

"I think we can skip that part. But that's the story. I was asked to bring you to your destiny so you may fulfill your own mission."

"Eh? So... the reason you have been following me, it was all because of your mission?"

Filia felt slightly disappointed by this fact.

"Would you rather have me follow you because I wanted to steal your basket or attack you in some dark location in the woods?"

He got punched on the face. "What erotic adult version of Red Ridding Hood have you been reading?"

"Ah, well, but with the author taking this much creative license, and fanfic writters having as a rule a leaning to write porn... (NA: I resent that.) It wouldn't be all that unlikely, now would it? Now I would expect you said something dumb, like having as a rule to sleep only with the man who defeats you, and then fight me only to make an obvious half arsed attempt and leaving the road clear for me to take any sort of action."

"That's not Red Ridding Hood, that's Red Sonja!"

...said Red-Cheeks Filia.

"Really? But it does sort of fit with the overall plot of this story, doesn't it?" Now it was escalating to red-flame eyed Filia. "A-anyways, we should get you to that place and complete your mission. It's already very late."

She nodded and following the path they both reached the little cabin in the woods. He stepped aside and let her knock on the door, with her glaring back at him suspiciously. She heard someone from inside telling her to open the door.

What she saw inside was a group of four humans playing cards, and the elder from her temple who for some reason was dressed with a granny night grown and cap; the red-head in the group perked up at the new comer to complain, "You took mightily long! You know how long we have been waiting? Is that our food? Don't expect me to pay for it now!"

"Now, come on, Lina," said the blond besides her.

"Don't 'Lina' me, I've been starving for the last hour!"

"Wha-what?" said Filia, taking in the scene which was unfolding with a lot of complaining and shouting, "Elder, what is the meaning of this?"

"Ah, yes, we needed Lina and her friends' help for an important quest, so we got them dinner as an offering of goodwill in hopes to gain their favor before anyone else did." Filia had opened the basket and took from it a peach from a pile where there were many more.

"But then, Xellos..."

"I already met Lina and the group long before you did and have been a good way ahead of you, so I really didn't need to gain favors," Xellos said, "But since Lina gets cranky if she doesn't get her food, I was asked to make sure you reached them with it."

"So... my mission was..."

"That's right," he said, holding a finger, "delivery service."

More facefaulting. Filia bleated, "But what of the-the offering!"

"Well, it's an offering of sorts."

"But what about Valgarv stepping in? Wasn't he trying to take the basket?"

"That was to create better ambience."

"But-but -" she grabbed her head, "But why peaches?"

Xellos wagged a finger and opened one eye.

"All the better to eat you up with."

Filia woke up the next morning with the waking promise of never again eating peaches before going to bed.

* * *

N/A: Revive Kills Zombies, for those who don't know the trope, visit TVTropes site.


End file.
